No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
We talked him into tasing himself.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
