another moral hangover. fuck.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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