Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
