I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Randomize
