this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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