Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Every concussion has its silver lining
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
