Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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