Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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