I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I think I died a long time ago.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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