So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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