okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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