fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Vodka?
Forever.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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