so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
