**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
