if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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