We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
