I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
