Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
