U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
