Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
