So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Randomize
