you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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