omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
