Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
