Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
