I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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