Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
