you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
