ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
