This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
