her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
