Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
