Buhtt sex?
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
