we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
