Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
