Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
