I'm so fucking centered right now
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
How's work?
Spinning.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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