I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
