no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
