Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
