Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
