I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
