I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I deserve this hangover.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
