totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I'm just crazy horny about you
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
