Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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