She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
