did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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