I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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