Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
