First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
